The Prime Evils VS The Teeny Babies!
by B.H. Miles
Summary: A classic battle of evil vs. evil! Who will survive: The deadly lords of evil, or the deadly lords of...um...being tiny!
1. Chapter 1: Evil from Walmart

My first Diablo humor fic. Hope you laugh! It's the classic battle of evil vs. evil.  
  
THE PRIME EVILS  
  
VS.  
  
THE TEENY BABIES  
  
By B.H. Miles (Labrian)  
  
Opening scene: Baal and Mephisto return to hell after terrorizing a Wal- Mart. Diablo is just finishing making a deal with Sadam Houssein.  
  
Diablo: Alright, Sadam, you can have the group of crazy terrorists.  
  
Sadam: Excellent! See you Monday on poker night?  
  
Diablo: You can bet your damned soul I'll be there!  
  
Baal (rushing in the chaos sanctuary): Dude! Check out what low prices Wal- Mart has!  
  
Diablo: I thought you were supposed to kill everyone and burn it down!  
  
Mephisto: Ya, but before that Baal bought a bunch of little dolls.  
  
Baal (after sending a fireball at Mephisto): They're not dolls! They're teeny babies!  
  
Diablo: Babies? What the hell?  
  
Mephisto: That's what I said!  
  
Baal: Look! I even got Mr. Bananas!  
  
Sadam: Mr. Bananas?! I'll trade you for Governor Pony!  
  
Baal: No way, Houssein, ponies are for girls!  
  
Mephisto: And so are dolls!  
  
Baal (releasing another fireball): TEENY BABIES!!!  
  
Diablo: Alright, shut up! Sadam, go home!  
  
Sadam: Sorry. Baal, call me about that monkey!  
  
Baal: What-ever. Later that night, Diablo awoke to find Mr. Bananas and Senator Butterfly on the ground.  
  
Diablo: Stupid dolls.  
  
Bananas: Teeny Babies!  
  
Diablo: WHAT?! Who said that? Baal, are you still up? You know junk food will give you tummy aches!  
  
Bananas: Oh, Baal's gone to sleep. It's just you and us, Diablo.Muhahahaha!  
  
Diablo: What the- (throws them away) BACK YOU STUPID DOLLS! (releases chain lightning on them)  
  
Butterfly: That won't hurt us.Fear us, lord of terror!  
  
Diablo (releasing a girlish scream): Baal! Mephisto! Help!  
  
Mephisto (entering the sanctuary): Ah great, not another nightmare about Richard Simmons dating Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  
  
Diablo: No! It's worse! And for the record, her name is Sarah!  
  
Mephisto: Whatever! Hey, why are you playing with Baal's toys? Ah, you like them, don't you?  
  
Diablo: NO! They're evil!  
  
Mephisto: So are you.  
  
Diablo: What? That's not the point! They talked!  
  
The teeny babies lay motionless.  
  
Mephisto: Okay, someone played a little too much of that Diablo game. Jeez, they name a game after him and HE's afraid of dolls.  
  
Bananas: Teeny Babies!  
  
Mephisto: Baal, go back to bed!  
  
Baal: What?  
  
Mephisto: I said go back to bed!  
  
Baal: I am in bed!  
  
Mephisto: Then stay in there!  
  
Baal: I AM!  
  
Mephisto: Then.um.go take over Harrogath again!  
  
Baal: You mean Canada?  
  
Mephisto: Whatever! Just go to bed! And, mister Lord of Terror, no more video games for you!  
  
Diablo: Maybe you're right. 


	2. Chapter 2: The Queen runs from Australia

THE PRIME EVILS VS THE TEENIE BABIES  
  
By B.H. Miles  
  
We join our dark lords as they awake for tea with the queen of England. Both Baal and Mephisto are there, but Diablo is running late.  
  
Baal: Where is he? He always does this! Remember my prom? He was supposed to bring my corsage!  
  
Mephisto: Your prom? You just stayed home one night and watched the Dawson's Creek marathon!  
  
Baal: But it was still so magical!  
  
Queen: I am the queen of England!  
  
Meph: Yes Liz, we know.  
  
Queen: I am not wearing underwear!  
  
Baal: Oh, keep talking.  
  
Meph: NO! Please, don't! Baal, shut up!  
  
Diablo (coming in huffing and puffing): Sorry I'm late! I was just.um.busy.  
  
Baal: Yeah right, you just stopped at the bars again, didn't you?  
  
Diablo: Shut up, or I'll sick my Googoo on you!  
  
Meph: Baal, shut up! And Diablo, what do you mean "googoo"?  
  
Diablo: I'm glad you asked, big brother. Introducing the new line of plush toys straight from hell! Here are the Hellspawns!  
  
Queen: I'll take fifty-five and a half!  
  
Diablo: Sold to the women with no undies!  
  
Meph: Slow down, Charlie Brown, I-  
  
Baal: Charlie Brown? What a queer!  
  
Meph: Baal! Watch your language in front of the queen! Diablo, why in our house did you make plush toys?  
  
Diablo: To create an alternative army to counter the teeny babies!  
  
Baal: WHAT?! Teeny babies are sooo old.  
  
Bananas (comes rushing through the door with a butcher knife): We are not old! (stabs Baal)  
  
Baal: Ahh! Oo! Eeh! Oh, wait a minute, that doesn't hurt.  
  
Queen: It's the Australians! You'll never get the money back, never! (jumps through a widow)  
  
Meph: What in the world? (grabs Bananas who is striking everything in his path) How did this happen?  
  
Diablo: I told you I was right! See! See!  
  
Baal: Oh my god! I think I broke a nail!  
  
Diablo: You have no nails!  
  
Baal: Well I'd like some!  
  
Meph: ENOUGH! Diablo, do your plushies come to life to?  
  
Diablo: No, not yet anyway. But, if we find whoever makes these evil things, maybe they can help us.  
  
Baal: Why would they want to help the lords of hell?  
  
Diablo: Why not? They sell these things, don't they?  
  
Baal: Touché. 


End file.
